X-Factor The Final Review

So, Matt won! The far too witty for her own good, Caitlin Moran, tweeted during the show that each piece of ticker-tape cascading down from the ceiling represented one more minute of her life that she had spent watching the X-Factor and that sums up my feelings nicely. I thoroughly enjoy watching kareoke, not because [...]

A Quick & Heartfelt Thank You

“Who said my party was all over, huh, huh, I’m in pretty good shape, The best years of my life are like a supernova, Huh, huh, perpetual craze.” Queen, “Khashoggi’s Ship”, 1989 4am. That’s way too late to be going to bed for someone who’s 39 years and 363 days old. However, it was all [...]

Real World vs Simon’s World

The News in Haiku #26…. “Cablegate is here. But no-one was watching it. X-Factor instead” The news that a quarter of a million sensitive documents (cable messages sent from embassies around the world) have been posted on the whistle-blowing website, Wikileaks, seems to be sending political shockwaves around the powers-that-be. By all accounts, this is [...]

X-Factor Live Show: Week 8 Review

The News in Haiku #25…. “The end of the show, Is fast approaching. Thank God. No more Wagner, please” Don’t worry everyone, there’s only two more weeks of the X-Factor left to go. Tomorrow is a double eviction, and next week (when only five acts will remain) will be a “semi-final”. I assume that means [...]

X-Factor Live Show: Week 7 Review

You thought I was going to miss out of the X-Factor this week, didn’t you?! Sorry, but I’m back for more… <insert evil laugh here>. Having just witnessed the eviction (is that what it’s called?), this following review is based on my tweets during a recording of the main show that I watched earlier this [...]

The Disc That Slipped

Following yesterday’s interruption to normal proceedings for the Children in Need appeal (£18m raised on the night), tonight’s blogging is continuing the theme of non-standardness. No haiku, lists or daily stats for you today because, after three hours in the carevenly split either side of a Christmas shopping marathon in Bluewater, my body is giving [...]

X-Factor Live Show: Week 6 Review

The News in Haiku #14…. “Somali pirates, Release British hostages. Who gets the film rights?” Last night’s X-Factor Review (you thought I’d forgotten didn’t you?!). Here’s a little game for you to play at home, when the judges walk out on to centre stage at the start of the show and after Cheryl has done [...]

Tales Of The Gas-Man

The News in Haiku #8…. “Miliband’s a dad; A second son. But will he Stitch up his bro too?” The central heating broke yesterday. It’s in moments like this when I realise how thoroughly ill-equipped I am as a handyman. Now I know that one needs to be Corgi-registered before so much as contemplating the [...]

X-Factor Live Show: Week 5 Review

“We are down to the final 10 acts”, so proclaimed the announcer before the start of this week’s X-Factor as if we had reached some cultural milestone of great importance. Strangely, she gave the impression that she couldn’t quite believe that we had reached this stage already, which, given that the series feels like it [...]

X-Factor Live Shows: Week 4 Review

“If this world is wearing thin, And you’re thinking of escape, I’ll go anywhere with you, Just wrap me up in chains.” Shakespeare’s Sister, “Stay”, 1992 Last night I was out on the town, so missed my first X-Factor of the series. However, I tuned in to the speeded up highlights on Sky+ as I [...]